The Quest
by Zoe Mae
Summary: My interpretation of the blossoming romance between Wendy and Hodges.  Told from each side in alternating chapters.  Work in progress.
1. Something

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters, I just like to write their thoughts :)

FEEDBACK: Always welcome

SUMMARY: My interpretation of the blossoming romance of Wendy and Hodges, told from each side in alternating chapters

AUTHORS' NOTES: Starts here with Astro Quest and will continue through Field Mice

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**Chapter 1 - Something**

"Anybody up for a little Astro Quest?" Nick slapped the DVD on the window, startling me from the trance I was in as I was studying the screen in front of me. I looked up to see Nick and the smiling expectant faces of Riley and Langston.

"Oh no, not tonight." After the whole encounter with Hodges, Astro Quest was the last thing I really wanted to watch. I tried to appear more upbeat than I felt, so I forced a smile to my face, with a cheery wave to accompany it. "Thanks though."

Nick gave me a disbelieving look, and I wasn't sure if he didn't quite believe my falseness, or didn't believe I wasn't up for my self-proclaimed favorite hokey cult show. He shook his head slightly, giving me an air of disappointment. "Alright," he said before making his way past me to David's little area of the world.

"Break room in five. Let's go." This time he held the DVD up like it was a trophy of all that was geekdom. I looked up to see if Hodges would take the bait; it was his self-proclaimed favorite show as well. Judging by the answer that came next, I knew he was just as disheartened as I was. But I knew deep down, though I didn't want to admit it, I was to blame for that.

"Ah, no thanks. Enjoy." I watched him give the same false smile I had just given them. He even waved just the same. Ever since that convention, it was clear that he and I were alike in many ways, but I was not entirely ready to admit to just how much I actually cared.

_Do you think that, um…I got the collar right? 'Cause I think on the show that it might have been a little more…um…swoopy…_

_You…It looks perfect. _

The way he looked at me at that day was…just thinking back to it, I mean, his eyes were just…he made me melt. He had never looked at me that way before. And really, I had never seen him away from the lab, away from the microscopes and reports and computers and…it was just him. It was just him focused on me, and the feeling was, well, amazing.

But I mean, David Hodges? The one guy who had proved to be a thorn in my side since day one? And the one guy I can not shake from my mind no matter how much I want to. He has latched on to some aching place in my heart, because to me, I can see past every defense he's built up to keep people at bay, and it has endeared him to me more than I ever expected.

Because every time David Hodges puts his foot in his mouth, he puts a little bit more of his heart on his sleeve.

As I watched him sink back into his work, a look of despondency washed over him, and it stabbed at me in ways I didn't want to even begin to feel. And this is also why I couldn't stand David Hodges; he made me care so much in spite of myself.

So now, I didn't want to get caught with what I was about to do, and I was grateful most of the crew was in the break room rapt with alien adventures. I kept one eye on the only one left to make sure he was not going to come this way. Although, after what happened earlier, I'm pretty sure he was too ashamed and could barely look at me. I enticed him to my home, an innocent gesture really. Well, mostly innocent. And then he took that idea and ran amok in his head, distracting himself to the point of danger. But I had wanted him there, more than I was willing to let him know.

_Well, two is not much of a crowd really…so…_

_You mean just you and me?_

_Yeah…you, me, the Blu Ray DVD box set and a brand new plasma TV._

_Over your place…_

_Yeah. That's… where…I keep my…TV._

_Okay, sounds good._

_Yeah, it will be._

The look on his face when I said it would be only the two of us was priceless, I have to admit. He seemed genuinely stunned that I would even offer to be alone with him, much less invite him to my place to watch TV. And then he…I…it was ruined when he let his mind wander to who knows what, and then tried to blame me, all for asking to watch a DVD? I never implied anything. But the invitation alone was enough to get his mind reeling. So I called off whatever plans we had. I was infuriated that he couldn't get out of his own head, caused damage to the lab, and then tried to say it was my fault.

But even through my anger, I felt something…strange. I was…flattered. Flattered that he would be so caught up in his thoughts of me that he literally had let himself catch fire. I haven't been able to shake that thought since. My anger has since subsided, but I can't let him know that yet. I can't let him know that while all the others are watching the show down the hall, all I can do is think of him with his arm around me on my couch watching the show we both adore.

Because that is why I only asked him. I wanted to be alone with him, away from lab, just like before. Those deep blue eyes looking into mine, as he leans in to….

Okay, so, I may let my mind wander as well. At least I don't do it around fire. As I walked over to another computer clearly out of his sight, I snuck a small glance over at Hodges, working on something, looking like he was concentrating. I knew of only one way I could get into his head at this moment. It was a place I was longing to get into.

The home page for Astro Quest came up in front of me. I scanned until I found what I was looking for: the Vellikon dictionary. I clicked on the translator, and typed in the words that David said to me at the convention, and as I recalled the look he was giving me as he spoke, my heart raced as to what it could possibly translate to.

_"Jihw-CHOK chom-CHEM-jag-eej BRYCE-cichoki."_

The screen flashed a green beam while translating the text, and the words appeared on the screen, both in the original symbols, and in English.

_"We were made for each other."_

My breath got caught in my throat, and the pull was too strong. I glanced over at David. He must have felt the heat in my gaze because he looked up at me, and as our eyes locked, I was grateful for the panes of glass that skewed the emotions I knew we both felt. He looked at me only a moment, and then back down again. It was only a moment, and though I hoped mine didn't shine as clearly, I could read his without a doubt…regret.

I have never wanted to reach out to somebody so badly than at that moment.

A thousand thoughts went through my head. I wanted to tell him I still wanted his company. I wanted to tell him the way he looks at me is sometimes all that gets me through the day. I wanted to tell him I wanted to know him, really know him, not as the person who exasperated people day after day with his arrogance and brown nosing, but the man whose blue eyes held so much tenderness and devotion when he allowed it. I wanted to get lost in that look, in that feeling. More so than I would ever admit to anyone, which I haven't done. David hadn't made it a secret that he was interested in me, but I made sure to never let on that the feeling was mutual. Until recently. He had been my dirty little secret, because even he didn't know the feelings I was hiding. I had only just begun to start dropping subtle hints, but I wasn't entirely sure it was actually sinking in.

I needed to do something. I couldn't let this tension go on any longer. We had to work together, and I wanted him to know I wasn't really mad. But what do I do now after seeing how he feels scrawled so brazenly across my screen? How do I push that aside? And now, how do I get that look in his eyes as he said that to me out of my head? Or the way he reacted afterwards when I asked him what he said? The smile he gave me, the way his lips pressed together to hide the bashful look that flooded his features. I don't think I have ever seen David Hodges blush until that moment, or since. In that one moment, whatever he felt…we felt…it was unmarred and genuine. And it was at that moment as his blue eyes revealed the utmost adoration, that I found myself falling.

But what was I going to do about this?

I had to make things right.

I made my way across the hall. I wanted, if nothing else, for us to be okay.

When he looked up at me, my resolve faltered slightly. His look was unguarded, and in my head, all I could hear was that song from Beauty and the Beast.

_There must be something there that wasn't there before._

It made a faint smile tug at my lips as I looked down to him, as he sat looking up at me almost nervously. It was a whirlwind really, a love of bygone science fiction television opening up so many doors to places I would have never expected. Maybe that look in his eyes had been there all along, and I just didn't want to recognize it. Maybe that "something" had finally been stirred in me.

"Hey," I said softly.

"Hi," he replied, just as soft.

"Look, David…"

"Look, Wendy…I…"

I felt my cheeks flush as my smile broadened, and for the first time in what felt like ages, he smiled that adorable cupie doll smile at me. I knew then, that we would be okay.

In a gracious act for David Hodges, he simply gave me a tiny smirk as he said, "You first."

Inhaling deeply, I wanted to put the second offer on the table. In my own roundabout way. "So, everyone is enjoying our favorite show back there. How come you didn't join?"

He shrugged and offered what I knew was somewhat true, "I just…I wasn't up for it right now."

"Would you be up for it later?"

Eyebrows raised, his blue eyes studied me curiously. "You mean…are you…do you really want that?" As he stammered over his reply, the last part kind of struck me. As aggravating as he was when he was being smug, the insecure and tentative side of him was beyond endearing.

I looked down at his desk to shield the emotions fighting to the forefront. "Only if you still want to."

Even with my invitation, he still seemed hesitant. I guess I couldn't blame him. I kept my eyes down until finally he spoke.

"Should I still bring pizza?" I brought my gaze up to see David still looking at me, his eyes filled with longing as he tried to hide it behind his signature smirk.

"That would be great." I bit my lip to quell the giddy schoolgirl smile just waiting to erupt.

He cleared his throat as his eyes fell to my mouth. "So then…your place…after work?" It's amazing how the smallest gestures can elicit such a powerful response.

I nodded in reply, gave him a shy smile and went back to my corner of the lab. Hopefully this time, he could keep his wild imagination under control and away from anything flammable.

Taking in a deep breath as I got back to my computer, I felt most of the tension of the day slip away. And it was then that it occurred to me how the delicate balance of our relationship affected me. In knowing that he and I were okay, I felt okay. I looked over at David again, and this time he smiled at me before looking back down at his desk. He was okay too. There _must_ be something here, right? Maybe someday, I'll find out.


	2. Chances

**Chapter 2 - Chances**

"Hey," Wendy said softly. I looked up to see her standing there, her hands shoved in her pockets and her shoulders tensed. The way she was biting her bottom lip made my heart start to race. And considering what happened the last time I let my mind wander, I tried to focus instead on the timid way she was looking at me to keep myself from getting into more hot water than I was already in with her.

"Hi," I said, matching her tone, just as soft.

"Look, David…"

"Look, Wendy…I…"

She seemed just as lost as I was feeling, and that made me smile. She offered a big smile in return as her cheeks turned pink, and all the awkwardness and ill feelings over the past few hours just seemed to melt away.

My heart was still racing, dying to hear what she had come over to say. I nodded my head to her as I conceded, "You first."

She held her breath for a moment as she seemed to search for the right words to say. "So, everyone is enjoying our favorite show back there. How come you didn't join?" She looked at me expectantly, her brown eyes wide with curiosity. And somehow, I felt, not just about the show.

I shrugged and felt the need to curb my actual feelings. I didn't want her to know how badly I wished for her and I to be watching the show, alone, just the two of us. "I just…I wasn't up for it right now."

"Would you be up for it later?"

I heard the words come out of her mouth, but my brain seemed to have a hard time processing it. For the second time, I had no idea why Wendy was extending an invitation to spend time with me.

"You mean…are you…do you really want that?"

I knew how much I wanted to be near her. But how could she possibly feel that way about me? Every time she looked at me with those huge brown eyes, everything logical inside me went haywire and I was reduced to a stuttering fool who did nothing but put my foot in my mouth. I just stared at her, kind of dumbfounded.

"Only if you still want to." Her long lashes softly fluttered over her eyes, casting a shadow so that I couldn't read what might have been going on in her head as she stared at my desk.

I paused for a moment before answering her. I was cautious this time, and more so because of what this would mean to be spending time with her alone after knowing the kind of consequences I would run in to. I decided to just take it as a good thing and not think too much. I always run into problems when I start over-thinking. "Should I still bring pizza?"

Her expression lit up immediately. "That would be great." She was biting her lip again, making my next sentence come out more ragged than I had intended. I was never prepared for the power she could wield with an innocently sensual gesture.

"So then…your place…after work?"

She simply nodded in reply, flashed me a smile and slowly turned on her heels to head back to work. I watched the sway of her hips as she moved away from me, and I closed my eyes briefly at what I had just agreed to. Looking back across the hall, Wendy smiled at me through the glass, and that was really all I needed to offer her a smile in return. She began working again, and I stared back down at my desk.

It was then that I began to panic.

What the hell was I doing? I knew exactly what would happen if I spent time with her outside of work. Seeing her at that convention was almost my undoing. She just looked so perfect, like a sci-fi angel, with that red uniform clinging to her curves in all the right places, and those long waves she usually ties back at work just framing her face like a perfect picture. It took every fiber of restraint I had not to take her in my arms and kiss her senseless.

But that was before she invited me to her house. Before I actually had…well…a chance.

I actually have a chance. With Wendy. I was used to just pining at her from afar, watching the way she focused on swabs and test tubes, reveling in how it intoxicated me just to be near her as she showed me something pertinent to a case. I was used to not having what I wanted. I was not used to this.

Because now she's admitting that maybe there is something here.

_If you're having some fantasy about me dressed up in a tinfoil bikini dancing around in a casbah on a strange alien planet, then good!_

_Good?_

_Yes good. 'Cause it means you're not as oblivious as everyone around here seems to think you are!_

I'm not oblivious…just…concerned. Okay, maybe concerned isn't the word I want. More like, disbelieving? Skeptical? Any word that would describe my serious doubts that I could hold her interest if we were to actually let anything happen?

But I can't let anything happen. My job is at stake here. A job where I finally feel like I belong and am doing some good and making friends. I have to try to keep our relationship professional no matter how much I want it to be otherwise.

Because the lab needs me. I have used this mantra over and over in my head so many times to try to reason with myself that a gorgeous, strong, intelligent woman like Wendy would never want a grey-haired geek in his forties...like me. And now? Now it just might be a way for me to use my job as an excuse not to take a chance on something in the likely event she ends up not wanting this. I can't risk everything I've worked for, I just can't.

Tonight is going to be…difficult.

XXXXXXXX

Pulling up to Wendy's house with a pizza, I felt more like the delivery boy than someone who was here to hang out with her. Of course, this is how a lot of porn movies start…

No. I can't let any of that happen. No matter how enticing it might be. We can just be friends for a while. Can't we? Friends hang out and eat pizza and watch television together. I can do this.

I knock on the door, pizza in hand, and my heart is racing as I wait for her to open it.

"Wow."

That's all I could say as I took in the sight before me. I tried to keep my eyes on her face, I really did, so I did first notice her perfect glossy lips and tousled brown waves. But then, the snug fitting t-shirt and tight jeans…I'm only human.

Wendy just blushed as she stepped aside to let me come in. I was going to have to say something to her. I had to. I decided to wait. I mean, what if I was presuming too much?

I stepped in and looked around, still holding the pizza in my hands, still feeling like I shouldn't be here. She came up and took the box from me and placed it on the coffee table in front of her couch, which was facing the brand new plasma television. I smiled when I saw that she had already set out dishes and napkins and silverware. I raised my eyebrows, however, at the wine glasses.

Admittedly it had been a little while since I went to a woman's home for dinner, but I knew that wine glasses meant wine, and wine meant drinking, and drinking for me meant I might not be able to resist her.

"Would you like something to drink?" It took me a moment to realize she had spoken to me, so when I finally brought my eyes to her, she was looking at me expectantly.

"Sure, yeah, um, whatever you are having, will be fine. With me." Very smooth, David.

But all she did was offer a shy smile in response to my awkwardness. "Okay, make yourself comfortable, I'll be right back." The view of Wendy walking away was so much more rewarding without the curtain of a lab coat. I would have given anything just to put my hands in her back pockets and pull her in close.

I shook my head to refocus as I sat down on her couch. Immediately I was drawn to her DVD collection of Astro Quest and Star Trek. I chuckled to myself as I scanned along all the other movies that were also sitting on my shelves at home.

"What are you snickering at?" I looked up to see Wendy eyeing me with bemused curiosity. She handed me a glass of red wine and sat down next to me. Close enough that I could inhale the florally scent of her hair and the lush scent of her skin. I took a sip immediately before speaking.

"We seem to have similar tastes in cinematic adventures." Finally, the first charismatic thing I've been able to utter since I arrived. Thank goodness for wine. And the fact that we will be watching television.

"Speaking of…" Wendy straightened up excitedly as she reached for her remote. She fumbled with the buttons for a moment as she tried turning on the sleek new television. I couldn't hide the smile watching her look so determined to work a remote control when she worked the technology in the lab like none other.

"Would you like some assistance?" She turned and looked at me as I spoke, her eyes narrowing as she smirked at me.

"I'm quite fine, thank you, I'm just still learning." With a nod of her head she refocused on the remote until the DVD menu for Astro Quest came on. "See?" She smiled at me triumphantly. All I could do was smile back; any words I would have said would have come out in some form of professing how utterly taken I was with her.

And whereas I knew on some level she already knew this, I couldn't bring myself to even hint at it out loud.

XXXXXXXX

We finished the last slice of pizza in between one of the episodes, and Wendy got up to clear the box and plates, offering me some more to drink on her way back in. I agreed, my arm haphazardly landing on the back of the sofa as the alcohol caused my arms to gesture more emphatically than I normally would. I tried not to watch her as she came back in with two full glasses, feeling like the more I stared at her the more I'd be apt to do something. I looked at her hands as she handed me my glass, and then looked directly back at the screen. As I gazed straight ahead, Wendy sat down next to me, casually snuggling into the crook of the arm sprawled behind her. The back of her head nuzzled into my chest as she got comfortable, and my heart pounded at the feel of her so close to me.

Resisting the likes of Wendy Simms was going to be impossible.

As we continue to be rapt in the geeky science fiction series, I become acutely aware that my arm had since draped over her slender frame, and I cannot help what I do next. The urgency to touch her skin was just too strong, and I find myself running my fingers slowly up her arm, hearing her take in a slow breath. For a few minutes all I could think about was the soft feel of her skin on my fingertips, and the tension started building and my head started swimming. That was probably about as much as I could take.

"So, I should probably get going soon."

Wendy sits up and looks at me with what I can definitely read as disappointment. Her eyebrows furrow slightly in confusion, and even I am not entirely sure why I want to leave an evening that is going so amazingly well.

I want to try to explain this to her, without sounding too presumptuous. But at the same time, I want to get the hell out of here before I lose all control.

"I…had a great time tonight. I just…look, Wendy…what happened earlier, I still feel like…"

"David, I thought we already moved past that." She cut me off, sounding more defensive than accusatory.

"Well, yeah, but...I…the reason that this…us…I don't want for anything to happen to…to screw things up between us."

I saw her swallow hard as she thought about how to react. "Look, yes, I invited you here, and yeah, I've had a good time too…but I never…implied…"

"I'm not saying you did. I'm saying…I guess what I'm saying is that…" What the hell was I saying anymore? "I just want to end a really nice night on a good note, okay?"

This seemed to placate her momentarily, but she didn't look convinced. Her eyes were imploring something more, some other explanation, and I knew she could tell I wasn't being entirely honest. Somehow, though, she let it go.

The look in her eyes softened and she nodded her head, agreeing that now would be a good time to say goodnight. She stood up and gestured towards the door. "Shall I see you out?"

I simply nodded in reply.

She stood at the door for a moment and turned around to face me. "I did have a really nice time tonight. I hope we can do this again."

"Me too." I was getting completely lost in her eyes. I could feel it, and I think she felt it too. I smiled at her; I couldn't help but smile when I was near her.

With that, she wrapped her arms around my neck to pull me into a hug. My arms snaked around her waist in response, and I held on to her for a moment, relishing in the way she smelled and how she felt to be so close. Having her in my arms felt…right.

She pulled away and wrapped her arms around herself as if chilled by a sudden breeze. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow." Her smile was kind of heartbreaking, and I wanted to just change my mind and stay. But I had to do this. I had to.

"See you tomorrow." As I walked over the threshold, hearing the door close softly behind me, I stood there for another moment as I exhaled deeply.

The lab needs me…


	3. Holding Back

**AN: Thank you for your comments! They make me happy :)**

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**Chapter 3 – Holding Back**

"So, I should probably get going soon."

His tentative words reach my ears and my heart started to race. Pulling myself up to look at him, he avoids looking directly at me at first. When he does, he can't hide the uncertainty he's feeling. And I can't hide the disappointment I'm feeling.

"I…had a great time tonight. I just…look, Wendy…what happened earlier, I still feel like…" He starts to ramble about his wayward thoughts from earlier today, and I cut him off before he can continue.

"David, I thought we already moved past that." I didn't want to reopen what happened before, now that things were okay. I feel badly that we even fought in the first place. I didn't want to get angry all over again for him blaming his mistake on me.

"Well, yeah, but...I…the reason that this…us…I don't want for anything to happen to…to screw things up between us." The look in his eyes was actually one of complete apprehension. His admission made _me_ feel nervous, the concept of "us," and I suddenly felt like I was the one chasing him, like I was being too impulsive, and that scared me.

"Look, yes, I invited you here, and yeah, I've had a good time too…but I never…implied…"

This time he cut me off before I could continue. "I'm not saying you did. I'm saying…I guess what I'm saying is that…I just want to end a really nice night on a good note, okay?"

He looked somewhat defeated while trying to appear optimistic. I knew there was more going on. I couldn't decide if he just didn't want this, or if there were reasons preventing him from pursuing it. I knew there was something here; I could feel it in the tension I knew we both felt from being so close. I could feel it in the way his hands skimmed down my arm, enough to force me to balance myself as I got lightheaded from the touch. He was too quick to retreat, which set off alarms for me. His words were saying one thing, but his body language was completely betraying him. Whatever reasons he had for ending the evening, I could see the war raging in his blue eyes.

And with that, I cycled back to falling a little bit harder for David Hodges.

"Shall I see you out?"

He nodded at me, taking in a deep breath as he stood up. I wanted to do as he wished, and end the evening on a good note.

"I did have a really nice time tonight. I hope we can do this again." I looked directly into his eyes as I spoke, conveying with utmost sincerity how nice it was to spend time with him as a friend and not a colleague.

"Me too." He smiled at me, a true genuine smile, and I held myself back from letting him linger in my starry eyed gaze. I stepped forward and pulled him in to a tight hug, feeling unexpectedly safe as he wrapped his arms around my waist. It was a feeling I wanted to hold on to a little bit longer, but I had to let him go. In more ways than one, and at least for now.

Taking a step back, I crossed my arms in a protective self-embrace, offering him a smile that I know was completely transparent to how lost I suddenly felt. The security I just felt in his arms spoke volumes about the person he is, and I wanted more of that. So much more.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow," he echoed. He turned around and walked out the door, and as I closed it behind him, I spun around and leaned heavily back into it. A sigh just as heavy escaped me, and I felt more confused now about what was happening between us than I had ever thought I would be. Maybe this was a bad idea.

I made my way over to the couch, scooping up the wine glass as I slumped onto the cushions. Bringing the glass to my mouth, I noticed his, half-full, and I smirked at the silly ironies. His glass remained there unfinished, sort of like how this evening turned out. Not that I even knew what I expected was going to happen, but it ended more abruptly than naturally. So many thoughts were swirling in my head, and none of them really made much sense to me. I wanted so badly for this wine to bring me to some sort of clarity, but it just made me feel like I was sinking even further into this confusing state. We were now in some sort of unspoken limbo, where David and I were no longer just coworkers, but we weren't exactly friends.

I could have drowned in his eyes earlier, but not in the romantic, breathless way. They were haunted, conflicted, and full of a faraway desire that he seemed to be trying to rein in. But I worked in a lab, and I knew how to read evidence. I had spent too long trying to deny that there was something here to see many of the signs; now it seemed I'd have to look closer to figure out why he was running away.

XXXXXXXX

Work was slightly more awkward the next day. I don't think either of us really knew how to act. He tried to overcompensate, his humor used to cover the weird distance that now lay between us. I barely tried to hide the rejection I had felt at his uncertainty. I had wanted seeing him outside of work to bring us closer; instead it was driving a wedge between us. It went on like this for the next few days, avoiding eye contact, discomfiting smiles, and each one trying to placate the other by being even nicer than usual. In that fake way, when you see someone you don't want to talk to, but give them the pleasure of conversation anyways because you don't want to seem like you want to be anywhere but there. I started to worry that we were doomed to this emotional tango, that we would never be able to have an actual conversation about what went on the other night.

Or so I thought.

An unruly biker girl sparked something in David as we were trying to collect DNA from the likes of a dozen or so gang members.

I was about to process Tanya Charles, when the situation went horribly awry.

"Would you open your mouth please?"

"Stick it in your own mouth, bitch." She spat her words at me like venom.

I looked up at her, ready to say something in my own defense, but Hodges had already sprung to action and was at my side almost immediately, chastising the girl for me.

"Hey." He called out as he rushed over. "Hey! You're out of line."

"Bite my out of line ass." Nice to know that tone was just how she spoke to everyone.

David looked at her sternly. "You owe Miss Simms an apology."

Oh man, the last thing I wanted was Miss Rough around the Edges gravelling. Or, you know, stabbing me. "No…Hodges…it's okay"

This didn't deter him. If nothing else, David was a man a principle. "No," he leaned on the table in an act to get in her face and get her to back down, "apologize." But you don't mess with a chick wearing leather hanging out with men who can't be bothered to shave or shower most of the time.

The next sound I heard was her skull crashing into David's as she head butted him in the face, and him yelping in pain before toppling backwards as blood started gushing from his nose. His gloved hand was over his face, trying to stop the bleeding, and I was at his side instantly with a tissue to try to help diffuse the damage. My hand gently cradled the back of his head as I tried to stop the blood from getting into his mouth.

"That was stupid." My admonishment was softened by the compassion at watching him take a hit for me. Stupid as it was, I wouldn't have expected any less of him.

"Ugh. Chivalry is not dead," he moaned.

"No, but its nose is bleeding." Something suddenly caught my attention, jolting me from my role of nurse for the moment.

In the time it took me to confront the girl about the jacket she was wearing, David was on his feet. When I turned back around, David had excused himself from the processing scene to take care of his own…blunt force trauma.

As soon as I was finished collecting DNA and evidence, I set out to find David.

I found him sitting in the locker room. He had stopped bleeding, and was a little bruised. Both his face, and seemingly, his ego.

"Hey tough guy," I sat down next to him, as close as I could allow myself within the confines of the work environment.

Hodges offered me a lopsided smile, clearly still a little bit ashamed to have been shown up by a girl. The whole series of events, him running to my defense, getting in this girl's face, and getting a bloody nose just to get a simple apology melted some of the tension we had both been feeling, and I restrained myself from throwing my arms around him right there. Admittedly I was coasting on that "my hero!" type feeling, because it's not everyday I get to watch a guy take a head butt for me.

"So, I was thinking, as a reward for your bravery, maybe we could grab some coffee or something after shift?"

David bit his lip, the corners of his mouth turning into a shy smile. He nodded, but more as a prelude to what he was about to say, looking as though he had to muster all his strength to come out and say what he was thinking.

"I would like that…but…" he trailed off a moment, and my pulse quickened. I wasn't prepared for him to turn my offer down.

My eyes must have betrayed me, because David's features morphed into worry.

"Look, all I'm thinking is, do you think that's a good idea?"

I instantly got frustrated with him. Can he not even handle hanging out like a normal human being? And that was the issue right there. David is far from normal when it comes to social interactions.

"For what, for us to have coffee together? People do hang out and do these kinds of thing, David." The irritation in my voice was not lost on him.

"Well, yeah, but, the other night, and I just," he was getting increasingly uneasy, "we work together, and I don't want things to get weird or…"

"I'm not asking you to run away with me to some far away island." To that, he raised his eyebrow, and I can only imagine what entered his mind. "I'm just asking if you want to get some coffee." I realized I was glaring at him with anger, and all he did was lower his eyes, looking slightly wounded and uncomfortable.

I sighed. Things were slowly getting awkward and tense. "I think we need to talk."

David looked contemplative, his brows furrowed as he got lost in his thoughts for a few moments before nodding again. "I think you're right."

"I'll see you in a bit then." I placed my hand on his thigh before I stood up to leave the room and go back to the lab to finish up what I had to do.

I walked away feeling aggravated, my want to strangle David highly overwhelming. And then, true to the dichotomy of my feelings for him, I wanted to tell him that it was okay, that we'd figure this out.

Because I had to look at the evidence, I told myself. I had to pay attention to that yearning look in his eyes when he spoke to me, and the fact that he wasn't telling me it wasn't right because of who I was. He wasn't telling me he didn't want me; he was afraid of doing the right thing. As I noted before, David was a man of principles, and something about this was worrying him.

I had to find out why he was holding back so much.


	4. Fear

**Thanks for those who have been following this story. I am having a great time writing about these two. More to come!**

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**Chapter 4 – Fear**

"Hold on a second." Wendy sprung up and headed over to the girl whose head had just made contact with my face. "Property of Joey. Is it Joey Niagra?"

I saw that as my cue to get out of there. I needed to take care of the blood that was now dripping down my face, thanks to my attempt at protecting Wendy. The way she held my head as she carefully tried to clean me up made anything I did beforehand, no matter how stupid it was, totally worth it.

Such a small thing, I know, taking from her caring gesture probably so much more than she had intended. Because really, what would anyone have done in that situation? I'm sure anyone in that lab would have done just what Wendy did. But what mattered was that _she_ was the one who was tending to me. _She _was the one with her hands around my neck, so close I could feel the softness of her breath on my cheek. If she only knew the power she had over me just by being so close.

"Hey tough guy," came the sweet lilt of her voice that broke me from my daydream. I watched as she sat down next to me, taking a slow breath so as to not alert her to my need to inhale the florally scent wafting so close to me. The smile tugged at my lips even though I felt slightly awkward at the bruises that were forming at my chivalrous efforts. But I allowed myself to relax a little upon seeing that sparkle in her eyes that clearly showed her gratitude. As stupid as she thought it was, deep down I could see it impressed her. If only slightly.

She broke eye contact for a moment as she tugged on her sleeve, biting her lip to control the smile beginning to blossom on her face. "So, I was thinking, as a reward for your bravery, maybe we could grab some coffee or something after shift?"

Inside I panicked, a nervous smile escaping me as my first instinct was to run away from her and her alluring velvety lips and enticingly gentle touch. "I would like that…but…"

I looked up to see her brows furrowed ever so slightly in confusion. Her features remained in tact, as she waited patiently for an answer, but the look in her eyes was the same one I saw the night I announced my plans to leave her place so abruptly. It was a look I was trying to get used to seeing in my attempts to push her away.

"Look, all I'm thinking is, do you think that's a good idea?"

Just as quickly, her look turned to fire. "For what, for us to have coffee together? People do hang out and do these kinds of thing, David." The wrath of Wendy is another wave I hated getting caught in.

"Well, yeah, but, the other night, and I just," I was faltering under that gaze, and she knew it, "we work together, and I don't want things to get weird or…"

"I'm not asking you to run away with me to some far away island." She cut me off, and damn it, does she always have to provide fodder for my already overly charged mind? A quick flash of Wendy lounging beachside in a bikini caused my breath to hitch. And she noticed it.

"I'm just asking if you want to get some coffee." The heat of her stare finally got to me, and I looked away to avoid saying anything to irritate her any further. I excelled at that these days.

I heard her sigh, and I knew by keeping silent I had diverted the storm. "I think we need to talk." Her voice was soft with a hint of resignation.

Every once in a great while I know how to handle Wendy Simms. I looked up to see that the look in her eyes had softened, and I was eternally grateful for it. Seeing that look just made me want to pour my heart out to her right here. But I couldn't do that, not in the lab, and not with the chance of being overheard. Whatever I needed to say to Wendy could not be spoken in a locker room.

I let my eyes lock with hers, just for a moment.

"I think you're right."

Once again my sentiments placated her for the moment. "I'll see you in a bit then." She placed her hand on my leg, propelling herself from where she was sitting and out the door. My leg continued to feel the pressure for the moment of where her hand had landed, and I savored it for as long as it lasted.

One thing I knew, I wanted to stop placating her. I wanted to stop these moments where things were okay "for now."

But how was I possibly going to do that?

XXXXXXXX

I waited anxiously outside the small coffee shop, pacing back and forth and trying to rehearse what I desperately wanted to tell her. As I turned around to continue my treaded deliberations, my lowered eyes did not see who I was crashing into.

Wendy leapt back, looking at me curiously as I fumbled for an apology. The color quickly flushing my cheeks did not escape her as she looked at me with a sideways smirk and a look in her eyes that could clearly be read as "typical Hodges." Typical Hodges indeed. Maybe at some point in my life I will be somewhat charismatic and charming instead of awkward and inept when interacting with such a beautiful woman.

A geek can dream, right?

"May I suggest we get a coffee and go for a walk?" I held my arm out as if to usher her inside, cocking my head to indicate the direction of the shop. In my mind, I was trying to pretend to be some kind of character who is smooth and confident to try to help me to overcome her seemingly kryptonite-like effect on my ability to speak.

Wendy shook her head at me, rolling her eyes, her smile broadening. "Sure Hodges." She brushed past me and opened the door, acting too quickly for me to open it for her like I had planned. She looked back at me with a grin that suddenly made me feel like I was going to attempt to try too hard, because she knew how awkward and inept I actually was.

Sometimes I wonder why she even engages me in conversation. I always expect at any given point she'll raise her thumb and finger to a nice L-shape to her forehead. So far, she has just graciously accepted my social awkwardness.

How could I not be head over heels for this woman?

We ordered our drinks, she insisted on paying for her own, and we exited, this time allowing me to open the door for her as we stepped into the hazy afternoon sun. We walked in silence for a little way before settling on a bench overlooking a park.

She turned to me as soon as we sat down, and I could feel the tension in her need to speak coming off her form in waves. I wanted to say something first, but seeing the intensity in her brown eyes caused my brain to seize up.

"What is going on with us, David?"

And there it was. The one question I knew I had to answer, but would have given anything to avoid. What is going on with us? I'm crazy about you, Wendy. I can't think straight when you are around me. You are on my mind so much it's surprising I can get any work done. I'm afraid to even be near you sometimes because I know I'm just going to end up doing something so stupid you'll realize any affection you have towards me was completely unwarranted.

But CAN I say any of this to you? Will I ever be ABLE to say any of this to you?

She watched me with the intensity of an animal stalking its prey. I swallowed hard. Could I really tell her that I just want to remain friends because of the job I hold in such high regards? Is that even the truth or just a cover-up?

"I…"

And just like that I found myself unable to answer, as she was too impatient to hold in what she had to say.

"I know what you said to me that day."

My brows knitted in confusion as I tilted my head as if trying to hear her better.

"What…day?" My heart raced at the possibilities.

Wendy looked directly into my eyes as she spoke. "You. And me. We were meant. For each other." She faltered over her words, her eyes filled with so much emotion that I couldn't tell if what I said had been the wrong thing, or the perfect thing.

"You figured it out?" She knew what I had said to her. She paid enough attention to my words to remember them and look them up. This must have been a good thing. But my heart was still racing that I had somehow been discovered.

"Yeah," was all that she replied.

I continued to stare at her, shifting my jaw while looking for the right words. But who was I kidding. I would never find the right words unless said in some make-believe language.

'Do you really feel that way?" Her voice was barely a whisper, her eyes slowly filling with tears. What I saw in her eyes was a longing for this to be true. I knew I hadn't screwed up. At least not yet.

"Yes," I managed to say. My own voice dueled with hers for least audible.

"Then…"

"But…"

We both stopped. I knew then I had to be the one to continue speaking.

"But I…I'm afraid of this, Simms." Those were not the words I was expecting to say, but it was the truest thing I've been able to say to her.

The look in her eyes was slowly hypnotizing me. As she reached for my hand, I knew that whatever I was going to say next was going to come out against any control I might try to muster.

"David," she exhaled, and I swear my name has never sounded so wonderful, as she tightened her grip to convey her understanding.

"I'm afraid of what this means." Her eyes were shining with so much compassion, I couldn't look at her anymore. And then the dam burst. "I don't want us to get involved and then have something happen and we can't work together, or have you end up hating me. Plus I mean, it sounds so selfish, but I love where I am, I love the job I have, and the people I work with, and I finally feel like I fit in somewhere, and what if I have to change all that? I'm not ready for a change like that. And what if I did make that change, and things didn't work out, and then I'd have nothing. I'm probably being presumptuous even assuming anything, but I know that I'd rather have you around the lab as my friend than ever having to chance losing you."

I had gone on such a rampage that I didn't even bother to look up to see what Wendy's reaction could even possibly be. I didn't expect to look up to see her glistening eyes and the small smile, though somewhat pained, gracing her features.

"So…it's not…because I'm me?" A tear trailed her cheek at the honesty of her own question.

And then I couldn't help myself. I brought my hand up to her face, brushing away the stray tear with my thumb. I caressed her soft skin for a moment, letting my hand linger. She closed her eyes at the touch, causing more tears to tumble from her long lashes. This caused me to keep my hand exactly where it was to wipe her other tears away.

"Wendy, you are the most amazing woman I've ever met."

"Really?" She opened her eyes to look at me, and my heart skipped a beat.

"Really. And this is why…I just….I want to keep you in my life, and I'm afraid that my dedication to my job is going to screw it up. Or that my inexperience…which I hate to admit…will really screw it up. And I don't want to hurt you."

When I saw the look of relief flood her features, I took my hand from her face and grabbed her other hand. There was a slight tension, where each of us waited for the other to make some kind of move.

And then she did.

Releasing my hands, she pulled me into a tight hug. I closed my eyes and inhaled as deeply as I could, in the likely event I would never get this close to Wendy Simms ever again.

"Thank you." Her question was soft against my ear, causing me to shudder.

"For what?" I asked.

"For being honest with me." At that, I smiled, finally having done something right with her.

I rubbed her back while saying, "Thank you for being so understanding."

And though I couldn't see her face, I could feel her smiling back.


	5. Just a Friend

**Thank you to those keeping up with my story. The holidays have hindered my writing a bit, so hopefully I can catch up in the new year :)**

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**Chapter 5 – Just a Friend**

His hand on my cheek was the sweetest gesture I had felt in a long time. I closed my eyes to savor the feeling of someone reaching out to touch me like that. It was endearing, and for a moment it made me feel adored, something I always knew David Hodges was capable of showing if given the opportunity.

It was what he said next that might have been the sweetest thing I had heard in equally as long.

"Wendy, you are the most amazing woman I've ever met."

Said in plain English this time, his eyes conveyed the same emotion I saw when he disguised his words in an alien language to tell me how he was feeling. My eyes widened to the fact that he could be so forthcoming.

"Really?"

"Really," he stated, as if this was a universal truth. "And this is why…I just….I want to keep you in my life, and I'm afraid that my dedication to my job is going to screw it up. Or that my inexperience…which I hate to admit…will really screw it up. And I don't want to hurt you."

I stared at him for a moment, as if the cryptic puzzle that was David Hodges all of a sudden became clear to me, each tiny piece fitting together perfectly to reveal someone I only really thought I knew. As he took his hand from my cheek to grab hold of my other hand, I was overcome by the urge to embrace him, both in the physical sense, and in the "I totally get what you are saying" kind of way.

So I did.

"Thank you," I whispered, as I rested my cheek against his.

"For what?" He asked, his breath warm against the curve of my neck.

"For being honest with me."

"Thank you for being so understanding." At those words, I smiled, knowing that we managed to have a mature conversation and make it out the other side with our delicate friendship still in tact.

And even though I didn't quite agree with the decision to remain just friends, it took some of the pressure off even having to decide what I would eventually want from David. Strange how relief was actually my first reaction given all the up and down I had been feeling towards him lately. Maybe it was finally having an answer, lines drawn that we could color between. His explanation, his fears and doubts, it all made sense. And he didn't lie to me, make up some stupid excuse, and whereas I've always hated the "it's not you, it's me" conversations, this was a genuine reason since we worked together. I could see this wasn't easy for him, and it's not like I didn't know how he really felt; I figured that out with a simple translator.

I pulled away from the hug and looked at him. It was then I began to worry slightly and feelings of rejection began to set in. I had hoped that talking would bring us back to the normal banter and everything would be fine. But with how he felt out in the open, I somehow felt more awkward…and badly for letting him be the one to admit so much and me saying very little.

"It's so nice out right now, you wanna take a walk?" I could feel the butterflies in my stomach of being too close to someone and wanting to close the gap between us, so I jumped up from where we were sitting, watching as David raised his brow to my sudden movement. I plastered on a smile in the hopes that I appeared more confident than I felt and could mask the emotions running rampant in my brain.

"Simms?"

Sometimes I don't give David Hodges nearly enough credit when it comes to being perceptive.

I shoved my free hand in my pocket and averted my gaze. He stood up to stand in front of me, his eyes searching my features for some kind of explanation to yet another abrupt shift in my mood. Even I still have yet to understand how Hodges is able to evoke so many random responses.

I take a deep breath as I bring my eyes up to his. The crinkles of curiosity frame the compassion resonating from his blue eyes, patiently waiting to understand. In the moment I felt sort of silly, like I was overreacting to nothing. I take a sip of my coffee and offer him a half-smile before offering him an explanation.

"I'm sorry David. You just…you've said so much and I've just listened. I feel like I've gotten out of this entire conversation scot-free."

Crossing his arms over his chest, he gave me a small smirk before saying, "Alright, out with it."

I brush past him back to the bench we were just sitting on, sighing as I lower myself back onto it. His back stays turned to me for a moment before he follows suit and sits back down next to me. I look back up at him and expect to see exasperation for this run-around conversation, but his expression remained calmly inquisitive.

"When I saw you at the convention that day, you went from being someone I was aggravatingly intrigued by, to someone I might actually…sort of…want to…you know, spend more time with."

I'm not sure I have ever seen an individual look so shocked before.

"What…what are you saying, Wendy?"

It was now or never to lay my cards on the table.

I went with not just yet.

"I'm saying that seeing you outside the lab makes you more of a, I don't know, a person to me. A…friend. I don't think I really considered you a real friend until that day. I mean obviously we were friendly at work and all that, but I feel like I met the real you that day. And I…I appreciate that I can consider us friends. And I don't want…to change that."

Could I have thrown the word "friend" in there any more? With my chance to maybe change the outcome of this entire exchange, I couldn't bring myself to say anything more than just our newly blossoming friendship. I may have completely chickened out, but I feel my pride will now remain in tact.

But at what cost?

I saw the crestfallen look that flashed briefly in his eyes, and I felt a pang of guilt for not being upfront, despite my need to purge myself of the truth only moments ago. I knew that for my own sake I had to stick to whatever I was saying; I couldn't let him know that he meant anything more to me than a friend. It seemed too "star-crossed lovers" for me to put into words that I cared maybe as much as he did, with our jobs keeping us from our happily ever after. The disappointment I saw, however, was quickly replaced by surprise, and a smile of gratitude.

"You consider me a friend?" The innocence in his voice sometimes made my heart melt, like he is constantly surprised that I enjoy having him around.

"Of course I do. I think two people like us having so much in common, it would be rather silly not to." I took a deep breath and admitted to him something that was honest without being too much. "I…I like you, David, and I don't want things to get screwed up either."

Hodges smirked again, shyly this time, clearly not used to the attention. It was starting to feel slightly similar to that day at the convention, when my heart started racing and I didn't understand why. I was…excited. And nervous, and giddy, and I felt like a teenager seeing her crush at the mall. I was so used to butting heads with him at work, that seeing a different side to him was refreshing. In that respect I was being honest with him, that once I saw the real David, that's who I really liked. And now, continually seeing him outside of work, away from his need to be the smartest guy in the room, I was finding more and more how much I really liked to spend time with him.

As we locked eyes, it was becoming clear to me that this "professional distance" was only going to work for so long.

XXXXXXXX

"My decision is final." I stare at Ecklie, fighting back the tears as I swallow hard at what I just heard. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach as my breath is caught in my throat. I simply nod to him before I say something that could jeopardize my job, bracing myself on the chair as I propel myself from my sitting position. I offer a fake smile as I thank him for his time, and make my way out the door, bringing my hand up to my mouth as I make my way to the ladies' room to hide the look of devastation I know I'm displaying.

The door closes behind me and I put my back against the cold tiles, feeling the tears burning hot against my closed lids. I can't break down at work, even though I feel everything I've been working towards just shattered at my feet in Ecklie's office. All I want to do is have a chance in the field, and I can't have it for reasons that I don't even think make sense. Apparently Greg Sanders was the last to make that kind of move, regardless of what I could offer. I know I could do just as well as Greg, if not better.

By now I'm fuming.

I straighten up and head back to the lab, passing by Hodges on my way. I catch him out of the corner of my eye, and I see that he's spotted me. I also know I look upset, so I go to my desk and try to dive back into my work. I take in a deep breath to brace myself so that I don't look so damn transparent. I know he'll be in shortly to check on me, and I want to at least try to look alright. All I can do right now is lean on the counter, and that is where David finds me.

I look up at him as he walks up to me, and I can barely hide the anger as I offer him a defeated smile. At this point, he can read me like a book, something I have found to be both comforting and somewhat aggravating. I've never liked to be so easily read by someone, but sometimes it's nice to be noticed. Right now I'm equally comforted by his presence and annoyed that he can tell so easily when something has affected me. To my own credit, I'm not exactly doing a great job to disguise it.

He crosses his arms, and one look up at those blue eyes, I feel my resolve falter slightly. I wait for him to say something that could potentially get me to explode, for as much as I enjoy David, I know he has a knack for putting his foot in his mouth. But the look he has right now tells me that I'm going to melt into my explanation with very little prompting.

"Out with it, Simms." His gentle tone matches the look in his eyes, and I open up instantly.

"What is up with Ecklie?"

He looks at me sort of confused, as if almost offended. "Excuse me?"

"He said he's not going to let anyone else pull a 'Sanders.' I don't get to go out in the field."

That's when the realization hits him, as he lets out a sigh of understanding. I know he's never been a fan of changing lab roles, but I don't care. I wanted this.

"And you know what really pisses me off about this? I have recommendation letters from Grissom, Catherine, and Nick in my file and it doesn't make any difference to him, I mean this is ridiculous. It's supposed to be a meritocracy."

"Since when?"

And there it is. Classic. I'm exasperated at this point, and in no mood for his ass-kissing and siding with Ecklie.

"_Et tu_, Hodges?"

"It's a bureaucracy," he states, almost too readily for my liking.

I can't even hide my discontentment as I turn away from him. He throws his hands up as if trying to keep the peace, as he knows I'm far from peaceful.

"Just keepin' it real." He smiles at me, then turns suddenly altruistic. "You want me to talk to Conrad for you?"

I turn around to see the expectant look on his face, but I don't need anyone fighting my battles. Especially with Ecklie. "No, I can do it myself."

"Sure," he steps closer, craning his neck down so he can look at my downcast eyes as he talks. "We're in book club together. Conrad respects my opinions. At least where _Pride and Prejudice and Zombies_ is concerned."

Within seconds I'm confused as I start to realize what he's saying. Suggesting talking to Ecklie for me? Encouraging me to go and work in the field? Something about this isn't adding up.

"I thought you were against me going from lab rat to field mouse."

And just like that, he reveals himself.

"I just want you to be happy."

We lock eyes and for the first time in this whole conversation, he's not trying to do or say the right thing. He lets down the barrier for just a minute, and it's just him and I, and how he really feels. No Ecklie. No "keepin' it real." No trying to make sure his feelings about the job come first.

He lets what he just said sink in before backing up and turning to leave, not breaking eye contact until he turns to head out the door.

And it does sink in.

He just wants me to be happy. Saying something like that, supporting what I want despite how he feels, makes me happy.

What the hell are we doing?


End file.
